no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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