you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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