turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Randomize
