I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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