did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
