I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
