so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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