Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I bet he comes in French.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i believe in u and ur pee
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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