I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
So. Much. Porn.
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