That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
