Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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