she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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