Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
