dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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