So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
