I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
