shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
