You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
