I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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