I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
