WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
