Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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