ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
