And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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