If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We left an ass print on the piano.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
