I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize