My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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