Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
