I cockslap morals
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
