the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
