Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize