I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
