i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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