just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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