Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
