i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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