Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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