Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
