When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
