Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize