So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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