take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
