I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just gargled with NyQuil
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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