Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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