her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
