Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
