Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
