put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
