so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
