I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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