My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
