If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
