I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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