I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just gift wrapped bread.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
