i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
