i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize