Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
