Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
