yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize