my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
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