nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Farmville is her only friend.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
