I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
