the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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