I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
